So, the night while I was blogging about our experience with the couple in Key West I was also having a challenging night from a parenting perspective. Since then, I have begun to think more about the situation. I started picturing what that man who yelled at his wife must have been thinking. He may have been scared they would lose each other in the crowd. He probably felt out of control of the situation. He may have been frustrated because she asked him stick with her, so she didn't get lost and he wasn't doing a good job of it - he was shirking his responsibility. He may even have been scared she would get hit by one of Key West's Tourist Trolleys....Who knows? As I think of the times when I "Lose It." The pattern seems quite similar:
I am scared my kids are going to end up in a situation where they may get hurt. I feel like we've shifted from control to authority and I wonder if it's been a successful transition. I feel out of control. I feel responsible. I feel an overall frustration.
Regardless, I still don't want to be the raving lunatic & even if I wanted to be that...its effectiveness is nil. So, what's a mom to do? I guess I have to begin by knowing that frustrating situations are a part of parenting (no big revelation there). My girls are a gift from God. My girls are becoming who God has created them to be - just as he is creating me to be who he created me to be. And just as it is my role to help 'adjust' their behavior, it is also my role to allow God to adjust mine. So I continue on.
I try to get my own personal feelings out of the way as much as I can to allow myself to hear God's words for my girls and act on it. I also partner together with other parents who can help me see how awesome my kids are. We all need people to help lift our eyes out of the immediate situation and see the bigger picture - whether it's parenting, work, life, marriage, ______________...
I pray all of us would find those "Eye Raising" friendships.
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I just had someone remind me yesterday that our children are on their own journeys, and often times we just think of them as being along on ours. That we can guide them, and help equip them with the knowledge and skills to be on that journey, but ultimately it is theirs, and the final decisions made are truly theirs (the older they get when they are not with us 24/7), as hard as it may be for us to admit...the protection needs to come from prayer, guidance, being there when they need us. Flipping out (which I have done over and over throughout the years) is worth zilch.
It is so hard... the other night when Leah was no where to be found at 2:45 am (yes that was this week) ... I spent the first hour, angry, stressed worried, not sleeping questioning every parenting choice I ever made, having heart palpitations...etc.
All the sudden I realized, I had not even prayed! I just said, help me, help me know what to do , protect her, comfort me... over and over.
I don't have anything figured out except the fact that you already pointed out that the quick response never gets you very far.
Vicki, when I look back on my own journey and where I was at the same age as my children, it helps me to respect their journey. I made some pretty hairbrained choices and got myself into extremely stupid situations, but it was in the midst of those situations that I found that God was there right beside me. I was deep in sin and He was there loving me and guiding me. So many times I have to step back and look at the whole picture and I do see God at work in my children's lives. It may not look like I want it to look like, but again....it's THEIR journey...not mine and I have to respect it. I remember Doug saying that we eventually become those who influence our children. I need to remember that when I want to grab my eighteen year old by the scruff of the neck and drag him to his room. (It's really hard now, because he doesn't even live with me). I agree with Chel, our best line of action is praying for them. I will pray for you, too. Please pray for me. Love ya!
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