Happy Anniversary, Steve

Happy Anniversary, Steve! I can't believe it's been 17 years.

You're my best friend. You make me laugh more than anyone in the world. I love to travel with you and I love to stay home with you. I love to dream about the future and I love to pursue our dreams together. You know my heart and you handle it with great care. You are the best!

I love you!

$3 latte

So I talked to a girlfriend of mine last night. She spent a month this summer in Costa Rica and Nicaragua. She and her husband had the opportunity to meet the children they sponsor with finances that help clothe, feed and educate. It was an unbelievable, life-changing trip.

She tells me that nurses in Nicaragua make about $3.00/12 hour shift.

I thought of that as I paid more than $3.00 for my vanilla latte this morning.

Something's messed up & I think it's me.

I see heaven through my dad

Learning to face life honestly is one of the most beautiful things I have learned from my dad. He has the ability to face whatever circumstances life throws at him with the most honest, God honoring perspective. Some would say he is a pie in the sky optimist. But if you live closely to him, you know that he struggles just like anyone else in the world. The difference is that he takes all his honest, sometimes gut-wrenching feelings and circumstances to God first - he writes, he prays, he seeks. And he doesn't stop until God leads. That optimism you see is an utter dependence on the Creator of the Universe.

I love my dad. And I appreciate the aspects of heaven he has taught me.

Thanks, Dad, for being you and for sharing yourself with me and so many others.

questions

I think I could fill a journal this morning with all the questions I have (and have actually filled quite a few pages - at some point you just have to stop). It's
reminiscent of my college days. I was riddled with questions that seem to go nowhere and seemed to keep me in a constant state of unsettledness.

Thanks to God's grace, Jesus' sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit's presence many of those old questions no longer haunt me. I do, however, have new set of questions. And I'd be lying if I said I am feeling settled.

Foremost in my mind are these: What does it look like to live missionally in a small town? Is it too ambitious &/or wrong to use a business? How can I be sure my motives are pure? Is it right to move forward no matter who is on board or not? How drastic of a lifestyle change is God leading us to? Who exactly are we called to minister to? How do we find out? Is it foolhardy to jump in? By not jumping in, do we risk God lessening the desire?

I guess I go back to what I know...I know that we are called to recognize Jesus in the everyday...That he has given us the privilege and responsibility of partnering with him in restoration of the world. Caring for the hurting is key. Love above all else is what He requires. He is in control and his timing is perfect. It is more about 'being' in his presence right now than it is about 'doing' his work. I'm not running away from the possibilities (not sure what that means, but it is something I know).

I've never been a patient person.

today's quote

“I know of no great men except those who have rendered great service to the human race.”

- Voltaire [Francois Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)
writer, philosopher

Rendering great service...that is where Steve and I are seeking God right now. What service, what need is he asking us to meet?

I have this anticipation, excitement, anxiety that continues to fill my gut. I know God is leading us. I have pondered possibilities that a year ago would have seemed ridiculous. It's freaky what happens when you ask God to allow you to see the poor, lonely and disadvantaged as he sees them. It's inescapable. It's haunting. And you just want to be a part of something.

As I read Acts 1 today, I see that the disciples felt the need to replace Judas after Jesus ascended into heaven. I'm not sure why they felt the number needed to be 12. But for today I will follow their lead. I am praying for 10 additional people that God may be leading to be involved in this 'whatever it is.' It's not really even the kind of thing I can invite someone to be a part of at this point. It's so nebulous. Maybe that's God's plan. I know he's been working in me in surprising ways.

My over-reaction to that silly, lonely turtle yesterday was a confirmation to me that loneliness wrecks me. I want everyone to be connected in real, loving friendships. We often learn our worth through those that love us, so who will show the unloved their worth?

stories of life

You know, Jesus told so many stories. He was always going on about this seed or that widow or those branches. I sometimes wonder if we have lost the art of story telling in our lives.

Who do you know that is a master story-teller? What can we learn from him or her? Are we just too stinkin' busy to take time for the story of our lives? Or would we rather borrow a story from the latest tv hit or movie? I don't know. Maybe loss of story is a casualty of American life and the pursuit of the American Dream. Sad.

Should our stories be told? Who can show us how to tell our stories??

dogs and water

I should be packing. I should be folding clothes. I should be cleaning off the dining room table. I should be getting the car ready for our trip tomorrow. All these things still to do in a week that seems to have flown right past me.

I just want to take a minute and journal what I fell asleep thinking about last night, woke up thinking about this morning, but in the busyness of this day already seems distant.

We set out to find some hungry people last night. Bought our grill, 50 dogs, 50 bottles of water. We stood in the parking lot of Walmart - the beginning of our adventure. Who knew a little propane grill could have so many pieces!

When the grill was finally assembled, we made the most logical call one would make prior to heading to a downtown to seek out homeless people, we called and invited the Negrons. Of course, they were ready to go when we picked them up 10 minutes later.

We first checked under the Market St. Bridge. The officer there said we might find 3 or 4 homeless people near the post office. We drove around, but didn't really see anyone. I was beginning to think the evening might just turn out to be a good time with Efrain and Lisa.

We finally ended up in front of the Rescue Mission and had the privilege of serving dogs and water to a boat load of men, women and children. Some were residents of the mission, some lived near by. And we had a blast. Efrain proclaimed God's love (like only he can), Steve kept things moving along, Lisa made sure no hot dog left the grill before it's time, and I parked myself in a place where I could just visit. It was cool, very cool. I was able to hear how God has used the Rescue Mission to literally rescue several men. I got to meet some beautiful kids and moms. I can't wait to go back.

God, keep those faces embedded in my mind.

Be Near

"Be Near. Be near, O God of me. Your nearness to me is my good."

Breathe in, Breathe out.

You are a good God. All the time you are good.

Desperation within, need overwhelms.

Be Near, O God.

Negativity

Dealing with negativity in a godly way is my struggle. There are some people in my life that are so overwhelmingly negative. I don't even know how to respond. My normal, hopeful approach seems to sink under the table and pale to all the blahhhhh.

I overheard a woman talking about her daughter. At age 47 she began experiencing pain. Within a year, she was completely paralyzed and now this former school principal is bed bound and living in a nursing home. Since her illness, she has gained her master's degree. Not even paralysis and pain could hold her back.

How does one reconcile that? Why are some able to push through in adversity and some seem to enjoy the helplessness?

surrogate

Tonight I was a surrogate mom. Not a physical surrogate, more of an emotional surrogate. My girlfriend just found out today that her little girl is getting married. It's amazing news that you'd share with your mom. What grandma wouldn't beam at the news? Unfortunately, this grandma died of cancer 14 months ago.

I'm honored to sit in. It's what friends do. I know it's not the same & she knows it's not the same. Still, I'm honored.

hoops

Ok, so far no one has appreciated my idea. But in the name of authenticity, can't we (who serve God in an organized church setting) name things for what they are? Here's what I mean...

In our fellowship, one of the responsibilities I have is to help facilitate the formation of life-giving, God-honoring friendship. Sometimes those friendships happen organically - a couple people both have on steeler's jerseys, strike up a conversation, go out for coffee, then end up helping to raise each others kids.

Of course, this is what we want to have happen all the time. But it doesn't always work that way. In the church we set up 'gatherings' that we hope will result in friendships. We have a connection lunch, a party, a picnic, a class...they are hoops. I know it's a hoop. You know it's a hoop. All God's children know it's a hoop. But that's ok. Sometimes we recognize a lack in our lives (lack of friendship, lack of fun, lack of a good pick up volleyball game, lack of knowledge of something we care about), so we jump through a hoop. We go to the connection lunch. We attend the party. We go to the picnic. We sign up for the class.

Unless we are ready to do away with the hoops once and for all (which I may be in favor of), I think the best thing we can do is celebrate them for what they are and let them be.

Life is full of hoops. Jump the ones that suit you.