questions

I think I could fill a journal this morning with all the questions I have (and have actually filled quite a few pages - at some point you just have to stop). It's
reminiscent of my college days. I was riddled with questions that seem to go nowhere and seemed to keep me in a constant state of unsettledness.

Thanks to God's grace, Jesus' sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit's presence many of those old questions no longer haunt me. I do, however, have new set of questions. And I'd be lying if I said I am feeling settled.

Foremost in my mind are these: What does it look like to live missionally in a small town? Is it too ambitious &/or wrong to use a business? How can I be sure my motives are pure? Is it right to move forward no matter who is on board or not? How drastic of a lifestyle change is God leading us to? Who exactly are we called to minister to? How do we find out? Is it foolhardy to jump in? By not jumping in, do we risk God lessening the desire?

I guess I go back to what I know...I know that we are called to recognize Jesus in the everyday...That he has given us the privilege and responsibility of partnering with him in restoration of the world. Caring for the hurting is key. Love above all else is what He requires. He is in control and his timing is perfect. It is more about 'being' in his presence right now than it is about 'doing' his work. I'm not running away from the possibilities (not sure what that means, but it is something I know).

I've never been a patient person.

today's quote

“I know of no great men except those who have rendered great service to the human race.”

- Voltaire [Francois Marie Arouet] (1694-1778)
writer, philosopher

Rendering great service...that is where Steve and I are seeking God right now. What service, what need is he asking us to meet?

I have this anticipation, excitement, anxiety that continues to fill my gut. I know God is leading us. I have pondered possibilities that a year ago would have seemed ridiculous. It's freaky what happens when you ask God to allow you to see the poor, lonely and disadvantaged as he sees them. It's inescapable. It's haunting. And you just want to be a part of something.

As I read Acts 1 today, I see that the disciples felt the need to replace Judas after Jesus ascended into heaven. I'm not sure why they felt the number needed to be 12. But for today I will follow their lead. I am praying for 10 additional people that God may be leading to be involved in this 'whatever it is.' It's not really even the kind of thing I can invite someone to be a part of at this point. It's so nebulous. Maybe that's God's plan. I know he's been working in me in surprising ways.

My over-reaction to that silly, lonely turtle yesterday was a confirmation to me that loneliness wrecks me. I want everyone to be connected in real, loving friendships. We often learn our worth through those that love us, so who will show the unloved their worth?